© Alan Richardson 2022
Characters (2m 4f or 3m 3f)
Ron: A Telephone Engineer, any age
Mrs Davies: Your friendly neighbour, forties or older
Chris Taylor: New occupant of the flat, late teens, twenties or thirties
Sally Taylor: His wife, aged to match Chris
Ludmila: An unexpected female visitor, either glamorously young or seductively mature
P.C. Nash: Male or Female, any age
The Setting: An unoccupied flat in Kensington, London. Period -
Running Time: 40 minutes
It's London in the swinging 1960’s. Newly-
But no sooner than their new phone is connected and Ron is sent packing, the Taylors get weird calls. First, there’s the man who sounds like Count Dracula who informs them that the yellow zebra is leaving Vienna on the midnight train. Then another caller who sounds like John Wayne offering to pay a fortune for their blueprint. And how to you reply to a call from somebody who wants a visa for their cousin Vladimir in Vladivostok?
Chris and Sally are certain they’ve got the wrong phone. It’s time to get Ron back. But before they can, Ludmila, a glamorous woman with a Russian accent arrives claiming that the phone belongs to her embassy. She demands the phone at gunpoint – which is odd for someone who says she works for the Bureau of Culture, Tourism and Sanitation. Ludmila is convinced that she has uncovered a western spy ring.
As the phone calls get even weirder and Ron tries to cover his mistake by producing one form after another, an ordinary day becomes crazier by the minute and it takes the timely intervention of a London Police Constable to end the chaos. A play for everybody who hates filling out forms.
"Really ticks all the boxes: good roles, lots of funny lines, and simple to stage" -
"The cast and audience had huge fun and we got lots of very positive feedback" -
"The audience were in hysterics as the plot unfolded" -
"Hilarious... had the audience in stitches...very, very, funny" -