© Alan Richardson 2024

Sitemap

The guests at Lucietta's Inn are a motley collection. There are two Scottish exiles, Angus, a penniless Laird and his long-suffering servant, Tam. There's an equally penniless multi-national troupe of actors. To appreciate this scene, all you need to know is that the actors are pretending to rehearse a play, a Commedia style knockabout improvised comedy with stock characters like Pantalone and Harlequin. The problem is, they don't have a Harlequin.... until Tam is coerced into trying his hand at acting and no some quick lessons.Kate, the only Scot amongst the actors, is only too willing to volunteer, especially as she has set her sights on the hapless Tam.

KATE  Let's think o' Harlequin.

TAM  On second thoughts, mebbe I cannae dae it.

KATE  It's simple. Jist watch whit I dae and copy it. Right?

TAM  I'm watchin.

KATE  We'll try the dance..

TAM  Dance? Naebody said onythin aboot dancin!

KATE  You can shairly dance. Ony Scot can dance.

TAM  No me. Last time I tried a hieland sword dance, my feet were in bandages for a fortnight.

KATE  We can but try. Watch this. (She demonstrates) You see? Keep the weight on your taes. Very lightly. Let's see you. (He gallops about) You're right. You cannae dance.

TAM If I practised....

KATE  In ten year's time, whae kens? I'd better show you how tae fall.

TAM  When dae I fall?

KATE  When you're hit.

TAM  Hit?

KATE  Like this. (She demonstrates. He falls) That wasnae bad. Beginner's luck.

TAM  Folk jist hit me?

KATE  Pantalone does it a' the time. But you can hit back.

TAM  Can I?  I'll enjoy that bit.

KATE Now let's try the different emotions. (Moving close to him) I'm shair you've got emotions.

TAM (retreating)  Aye. Especially fear.

KATE  Nae need tae teach that yin. We'll try happiness. Mind you'll be wearin a mask so you must yase your eyes and mouth. Like this.

TAM  Get awa!

KATE  It's exaggerated. Larger than life.

TAM  Like this?

KATE  Smile mair. Can you no smile? (He does) That'll dae for pain. Try pain. (He does) That'll dae for surprise. We're gettin somewhere. Now anger. Hatred. Rage. No! You look mair like you're burstin. Be angry. Imagine some Englishman has cried Rob Roy a pansy.

TAM  I thocht he was.

KATE  Robert the Bruce then.

TAM  Whit? (Turns on an imaginary Englishman) Insult Bruce would you? Forgotten Bannockburn have you? Want a reminder?

KATE Fine, Tam, fine. Nae need tae overdae it. Now try sorrow. Sadness. Think o' somethin you feel sorry aboot.

TAM (with a long face)  Gettin taegled in this?

KATE  Very convincin.

TAM  Is that it?

KATE No, there's yin important emotion I missed. Love.

TAM Love?

KATE And passion. You ken whit they are?

TAM  I think I read aboot them somewhere. Dae I need tae be passionate?

KATE Tae me.

TAM  You?

KATE  In the play, I'm Colombina. Harlequin is my lover. And I think we should practise.