Everybody’s Dying to Meet You sample
Rebecca, who organised this picnic in a cemetery, is telling her friends about its history
REBECCA This cemetery isn’t famed for the notable, but for the notorious.
JENNA Notorious. In what way notorious?
REBECCA Because, not far from here, there once stood a Victorian gaol where they hanged condemned murderers then buried them in
a plot of land outside. Later, they built a new prison further away. The old one was demolished and replaced by a government building.
JENNA I don’t like where this is going. What happened to the buried murderers?
REBECCA Most were left underneath the car park of the new building. But some were relocated if relatives could meet the cost of
re-
MARIANNE No prizes for guessing where?
JENNA Here?
REBECCA Only a few.
JENNA Any’s too many.
REBECCA And some were really infamous, like a certain Captain Lynch, who regularly sailed the world.
SUE Let me guess… a girl in every port?
REBECCA You got it. But during one shore leave, he found his mistress entertaining another man. In a frenzy, he drew his cutlass and…
JENNA Spare us the details.
REBECCA At the next port, he made sure his mistress there would never betray him. And it was a very long voyage home with
numerous ports… and mistresses.
MARIANNE Horrible man.
REBECCA Not just men. There’s Mabel O’Brien. She distilled her own gin and gifted bottles to her neighbours.
SUE That was kind of her.
REBECCA Laced with poison. There’s also…
JENNA No more, thank you.
REBECCA As a result, it won’t surprise you to know that this cemetery is reputedly haunted.
JENNA Now she tells us.
REBECCA Only reputedly. Which makes it an absolute gold mine for the guides who lead the ghost tours here every night. I’m surprised
we haven’t seen one yet. You should see their costumes and make-
Dracula.
SUE Wouldn’t mind bumping into him.
REBECCA There’s the girl who dresses like a Halloween witch. You know, pointy hat and broomstick.
MARIANNE That must come in handy here in the autumn.
JENNA How? Oh… sweeping up the leaves.